i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
