is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
