I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
