i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
