Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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