the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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