i permit you to call me
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
