I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize