If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
How does one acquire holy water?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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