im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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