Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
