btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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