i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
