we have pet lesbian snakes
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
