Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
