Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
