im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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