I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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