How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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