Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
