I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
