the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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