the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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