he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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