the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
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