I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
