Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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