i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
