I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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