If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
