dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
