apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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