I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Shame - the story of my life.
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