I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
