Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
