I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
