Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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