i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
