All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
thus making me awesome and them whores
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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