I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
