If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
