operation have a gay friend backfired
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my being single is dangerous.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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