his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
