You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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