I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
