Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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