the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
