hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
