Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
