Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize