that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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