i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
