I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
