I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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