we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
