Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
