everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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