I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
