I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
