i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
