Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
