We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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