Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize