I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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