yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
