I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
