And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize