Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
