I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she pinky promised me she was 18
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
