I wish I could teleport
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
