im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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