the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
