it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
