Define "chronic" masturbator.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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