Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
