a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
