There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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