i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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