omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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