I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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