wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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