I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
