i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
