Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
