I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize