i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
