; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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