they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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