so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
