I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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