I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
