This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
