i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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