hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
