if i can run in heels then i can drive
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize