The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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