You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize