My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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