i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
