he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
