his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
