I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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