I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
