I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
