Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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