tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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