We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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