That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
