if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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