I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
