hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
