this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
