Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
