I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
