Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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