I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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