look no pants
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
