my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
