the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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