I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm passing your future prison.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
