the condom got lost in my hair
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
