You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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