I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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